A Cyclist's Life in Tenerife (Canary Islands)

1. The default position for all spanish televisions is ON. Whether or not anybody actually watches the program broadcasted at the time is completely irrelevant.
2. The only time the television is switched off is when EVERYONE in the house is asleep. No exceptions!
3. The last person to switch off the television has two very special responsibilities: firstly- make sure everyone else is asleep; secondly- ensure that the remote control device is clearly visible in the morning (if you can’t afford a remote control TV, only then are you considered a poor family – that judgement is not something based on what car you drive).
4. Television is watched from one of two positions, each with an equal proportion time: the sofa and/or the kitchen. Even if you’re a 3-year old kid, the floor is not an acceptable place from which to watch TV.
5. The practise of renting a DVD is unheard of.
6. Quality movies are almost never shown on national spanish television.
7. Suprisingly, there are very few ad-breaks shown during movies and series. (read the next point before you get too excited)
8. The length of a standard ad-break can be up to half an hour, in same cases more, always shown at the most inappropriate point of the main television program.
9. The most common advertisements typically depict brand new vehicles on deserted spanish roads, women’s skin-care products, and cheap ever-lasting detergents -in that order.
10. The standard quality-level of Spanish television commercials is «super cheap and nasty». Upon creating a new advertisement, producers must ensure that they remain close to the following time-honoured ideal goal: an absolute minimum of effort is involved; a spanish voiceover is almost always present throughout the entire duration of the advertisement; comedy is almost never used to sell anything; neither imagination nor inspiration are permitted; sound dubbing is perfectly acceptable (in fact desirable, as it saves on hiring fake sub-standard actors and actresses). Yes, we’re talking very straightforward ads here.
11. How Spanish television enthusiasts manage to cope with points 6-10 will never be known, not by anyone, including the Spanish.
12. When movies are rarely shown, the end-credits are cut even before the first actor’s name scrolls to the mid-point of the screen. My personal theory is that if the first person to be credited reaches the top of the screen, the TV coordinator loses his job. Note that this only applies to foreign films, which in case you didn’t realise, means any movies filmed outside of Spain. On the other hand, whenever a local Spanish movie is aired on national television, the entire list of aknowledgements is then dutifully displayed in full.
13. There are more missing people in Spain that missing remote controls (see next point)
14. When the remote-control can’t be found, it’s a level 10 house-wide emergency. Everyone must assume «panic mode» until it is recovered. When it is found, that family member is denoted a hero for at least 5 minutes. The remote control is almost never lost behind the cushions, and almost never in another room (except of course the kitchen).
15. By far the most famous spanish journalist is Mercedes Milá. This woman has got more balls than a billiard table.

Tags: Island Life by Dr. Leslie Brown
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I’ve visited 42 countries in the last 10 years, and I’ve noted their cultures and customs are all very different indeed. An act that is seen as polite in one culture (slurping soup in Japan), will almost certainly offend people here in Spain. Even the many individual island cultures of the pacific are all quite unique from each other.

Cultures are different, by their very definition. Whether you like it or not. Anyone who has travelled outside their own country has surely witnessed that. But it just so happens, that most cultures are divided by geographical barriers – country borders.

It’s generally fair to say that the majority of Japanese people are very reliable & puncutal. Likewise, if I were to say that Tongan people are very friendly, stress-free & relaxed, that comment would also be acceptable to most people. Why are these statements accepted? Because they’re positive cultural observations.

I’ve noticed that the real problem arises when you make a generalised negative comment about a particular culture. What if I said, for example, Tongan people don’t respect time and are usually running late. Or that Japanese people aren’t very flexible with their appointments? [Read more →]

Tags: Island Life, Mental Anguish, Vida Enigmática by Dr. Leslie Brown
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I just finished helping with today’s «cosecha» way too early…

For those that don’t know, a cosecha is the local name for a grape harvest. The owner of small vineyards in Tenerife usually ask their extended family members to volunteer to harvest (cosechar) all the grapes in a single day. This day normally falls Saturday at the end of September. They’re usually offered some form of small compensation, but on our farm we like to provide a traditional lunch for everyone that participates.

This year there were 21 grape pickers, who collected a total of 68 full crates, for a total harvest of ~1200kg of premium black grapes. For comparison: last year, our farm produced 5000kg of grapes (some 280 crates)!! What caused this year’s disaster crop? Two things happened almost simultaneously:

1. Some time in mid-June, our vineyard contracted an abnormal sickness, causing many of the grapes to explode before reaching maturity. This was probably the result of an abnormal amount of light rain over this period, over which time the fungal virus spread. The farms that did not bother to spray their crop must now abandon this years harvest.
2. A severe calima also occurred at the end of July, temperatures skyrocketed to 40°C for 3 consecutive days, and this virtually dessicated the remaining grapes that hadn’t already contracted the fungal virus. I noted that only those grape bunches that were protected by shade seemed to survive.

Insurance companies refuse to insure small farms like ours for such occurences. Neither does the tax office nor the government recognise this year’s unofficial vineyard catastrophy; they never provided any financial aid to small-time growers. Sadly, this isn’t the case for bigger vinyeards (at least five times the size of ours), who are in a position to receive both substantial tax-cuts and other insurance benefits. Even today, many families still depend on their vineyards as a source of income. Unfortunately, even though the majority of grapes in Tenerife are still grown and supplied to wine cellars by small family-run cultivators, they are simply not supported by institutions who provide help to larger vineyards.

Tags: Island Life, News Reel, That's Business by Dr. Leslie Brown
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Social Readjustment Rating Scale (SRRS):

The following instrument is based on the premise that good and bad events in one’s life can increase stress levels and make one more susceptible to illness and mental health problems (Holmes & Rahe, 1967).

1. Death of a spouse 100
2. Divorce 73
3. Marital Separation 65
4. Jail term 63
5. Death of a close family member 63
6. Personal injury or illness 53
7. Marriage 50
8. Fired at work 47
9. Marital reconciliation 45
10. Retirement 45
11. Change in health of family member 44
12. Pregnancy 40
13. Sex difficulties 39
14. Gain of a new family member 39
15. Business readjustments 39
16. Change in financial state 38
17. Death of a close friend 37
18. Change to different line of work 36
19. Change in no. of arguments with spouse 35
20. Mortgage over $ 50,000 31
21. Foreclosure of mortgage 30
22. Change in responsibilities at work 29
23. Son or daughter leaving home 29
24. Trouble with in-laws 29
25. Outstanding Personal achievements 28
26. Wife begins or stops work 26
27. Begin or end school 26
28. Change in living conditions 25
29. Revision of personal habits 24
30. Trouble with boss 23
31. Change in work hours or conditions 20
32. Change in residence 20
33. Change in school 20
34. Change in recreation 19
35. Change in religious activities 19
36. Change in social activities 18
37. Loan less than 50,000 17
38. Change in sleeping habits 16
39. Change in no. of family get- together 15
40. Change in eating habits 15
41. Vacation 13
42. Holidays 12
43. Minor violation of laws 11

SCORING:

Each event should be considered if it has taken place in the last 12 months. Add values to the right of each item to obtain the total score. Your susceptibility to illness and mental health problems:

Low < 149
Mild = 150-200
Moderate = 200-299
Major>300

Essentially, each of these events results in a change to some part of your life. For example- in 2005, I moved to Tenerife as an Australian expatriate during which time I experienced many simultaneous life changes in a very short space of time: new culture, new society, new work environment, new family, new friends, etc.

I can look back and calculate that not long after moving here my score would have been well over 400, shortly before I contracted a severe case of adult chicken pox, nudging the score closer to 500, then immediately followed by my episode of chronic depression, adding another 50 points onto the score. That’s an extreme level of stress, despite none of the top 10 completely life-altering events occurring.

We already know that stress is linked with increased rates of violence, major illnesses such as heart disease, stroke, cancer & diabetes, in addition to other mental diseases (chronic depression, ADHD, etc). When you consider the top 10 causes of death in developed nations, stress appears to be the biggest killer of all! So in hindsight, it’s easy for me to ask: why can’t we begin to use the Social Readjustment Rating Scale to predict stress and anxiety levels among the general population in order to prevent or at least reduce the negative health consequences from even occurring?

Tags: Island Life, Mental Anguish, Vida Enigmática by Dr. Leslie Brown
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The best and worst maps of Tenerife:

Tags: Island Life, Ride the Volcano! by Dr. Leslie Brown
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1. No one gives any christmas presents on christmas day… and father christmas doesn’t climb down any chimneys either. They receive their presents on the morning of the «día de los reyes magos» (day of the magic kings) on the 6th of janaury.
2. Smurfs aren’t called smurfs, they’re called «pitufos».
3. Don’t ever criticise either whole olives or olive oil in the presence of a spaniard or you’ll be attacked (verbally but vehemently). It is commonly said that while Spain isn’t a rich country, at least they have «liquid gold». The same goes for parsley, which is consumed in disproportionate quantites to the rest of the world.
4. A bread roll is almost never cut with a knife.
5. Going barefoot inside the house is frowned upon.
6.  Swearing in Spanish is practically a mandatory custom (see #7).
7. Two popular spanish sitcoms are Aida and Aqui no Hay Quien Viva.
8. You greet women with one, or better, two kisses on the cheeks! Never a handshake.
9. There are more spanish fiestas than there are verb conjugations. Learn to live with it.
10. The proudest spanish invention is either the ingenious bucket with mop-squeezer device, or the humble chupa-chup, depending on who you talk to.

(I realise that’s not all- I’ll let you fill in the rest)

Tags: Island Life by Dr. Leslie Brown
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During one of the lectures I attended at university, our popular Design & Materials Selection Proffessor, Bessim Ben-Nissan, once said:

«No one’s going to buy a kettle if it’s-a purple»

At the time, I thought that statement was an over-generalisation of people’s tastes. I remembered thinking: «Well I for one would definitely buy a purple kettle, if they were available». Not only because I happened to like the colour purple, but maybe even just to prove him wrong.

Its been nearly a decade since that lecture, and I’m yet to encounter a fully purple kettle. For years I went in search of one. You can find mauve kettle lids and lavender-coloured handles in most electrical retail shops, but NEVER, EVER, a genuine 100% purple coloured kettle. There’s an online shop called www.purplestore.com, who specialise in all manner of eclectic purple products. There’s a virtual smorgasboard of items, in fact the only common trait is that they’re only available in various shades of purple. The shop is devoted to purple. Nevertheless, you won’t see any purple kettles for sale.

Taking this slightly further, even if you go to another super-specialist retailer, www.purplekettlegifts.com, stocked with the most kitch American products you could ever hope to imagine, you still won’t find any purple kettles! In fact you won’t find any kettles for sale at all!! One gets the impression that they chose this rather eccentric name just for the sake of being totally unique.

[Read more →]

Tags: Island Life, Mental Anguish, That's Business, Vida Enigmática by Dr. Leslie Brown
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Turning his passion for cycling into a business, one that showcases the beauty of the local scenery, is among the things that Australian expat Leslie is doing in Tenerife, Spain. He tells us what he likes and dislikes about living in Las Canarias and gives some tips on things like the local job market and learning the language.

Read the FULL interview with expatriate Doc Brown

Tags: Island Life, That's Business by Dr. Leslie Brown
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We really had fun making this. A special thanks to Iván – I couldn’t have done it without you man!

Tags: Island Life, News Reel, Ride the Volcano!, That's Business by Dr. Leslie Brown
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I recently asked my aunt-in-law what are the true symbols of the Canary Islands. Sadly, these things are completely forgotten with the conversion to mass-tourism. Together, we came up with the folllowing list authentic symbols of the Canary islands and of endemic wildlife of Tenerife.

FOOD:

• Corn Flour (Gofio)
• Potaje
• Bananas
• Potatoes
• Grapes
• Honey obtained from Palm Trees (and the drink made from it, Guarapo)

  

TRADITIONAL CULTURE SYMBOLS:

• Mount Teide
• The Spiral from the Guanches
• Traditional Traperas & Costumes:
• Calados (embroidery)

 

 

NATIVE / ENDEMIC  FLORA:

• Canary Island Pine Tree
• Canary Island Date Palm
• Tajinaste
• Retama
• Margarzas
• Violeta del Teide
• El famoso drago de Icod de los Vinos

   

NATIVE / ENDEMIC  FAUNA:

• Pinzon del Teide (blue Canary)
• Guirres / Aguilas (Canary Island Eagle)
• Native Canary Islands Dogs (perros)
• Lizards

  

  

Tags: Island Life by Dr. Leslie Brown
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Why a post about dogs you ask? Well firstly, there are no native Canaries or endemic «Lorro» Parrots in the Canary Islands and there never have been. The islands were named after the local dogs (canines). I’ve come to despise Lorro Park for this reason (but that will surely be covered in future article «Lorro Park: guilty of guerilla mass-marketing?»)

 

The podenco as its known is quite common in Tenerife, and they can often be seen hunting up in Las Cañadas every Sunday morning. The local owners cruelly pack them in cages on the back of their utes, and usually feast on lunch after they finish hunting rabbits, while the dogs stand or sit patiently all squished together for at least an hour! So much for being man’s best friend. There’s not enough room for them, and it always upsets me every time I see it. They are surely the most beautiful dogs, and deserve better treatment. One day I hope to own or adopt one (or two!).

There are another types of dogs in the Canary Islands, primarily for goat herding (Perro bardino o de ganado majorero), and another (perro de presa canario) which was bred for dog fighting. They are now sometimes used as guard dogs for the few rich people living in Tenerife.

  

 

Shown below are several insignias depicted on the official flag of the Canary Islands, the government logo, and among other places such as the town hall. Look at the evolution of the shield through time, as it tends towards simplification, the seven islands of the Canary Island Chain now being represented by nothing more than simple triangles:

Further information about breeders of native Canarian dogs:

http://www.mydogocanario.com/istoria.php

http://www.elitedogs.us/history.htm

The K9 Animal Refuge Tenerife!

Tags: Island Life by Dr. Leslie Brown
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Although I deeply respect Canarian culture, a lot of them are already biased against the new tram that runs from Santa Cruz to La Laguna. I overheard one of them saying it was only okay for people that come home after a late night drinking in Santa Cruz (or whatever). In my opinion the density of traffic in that zone warrants its installation; if that’s where its most needed, then that’s where it should go. Are they jealous because the tram doesn’t stop right beside their apartment? Or would they complain either way?

As usual, in the beginning the media had a field day with all the negative aspects of the new transport system… how only one line was functioning initially and the number of vehicles (both car and bus accidents) that had crashed with the new tram.

They also all seem to be dead-set against the proposed North-South train link. Why do they love cars so much, and seem to despise anything that runs on rails? :-S

Tags: Island Life by Dr. Leslie Brown
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The question that people most often ask me about Spanish culture concerns the siesta. The most significant aspect to be aware of is that the typical Spanish day is split into¨»mañana» (morning) and then later «tarde» (afternoon) or «noche» (night). The distinction between afternoon and nighttime is hazy.

«…researchers at the Harvard School of Public Health … reported that people who took regular 30-minute naps were 37 percent less likely to die of heart disease over a six-year period than those who never napped.»

A SPANISH DAY:

The workday begins at 8:00 or 9:00am depending on the business. Work normally stops around 12:00 or 1:0opm and resumes around 4:00 or as late as 5:00pm. Retail shops remain open until 9:00pm each evening. The exception to this rule is Sunday, when almost all the shops are closed (except the hotels, which obviously remain open). Once again, Sunday is not only a time of rest, but more importantly, a family day to be enjoyed together.

[Read more →]

Tags: Island Life by Dr. Leslie Brown
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Once used to be my favourite cycling team. They always had such a big presence at the front of the peleton during the tour de France in days gone by; especially during the team time trial stages, they were always the best-dressed of the bunch. Depending on where you’re from, you may or may not know that Team Once was actually sponsered by the Spanish Once Lottery.

While the lottery is popular in other contries, nowhere is it an INSTITUTION like it is here in Spain. There are tiny telephone-box stalls all over the place. You’ll even see people selling tickets on street corners. Apparantly they can be trusted, because drivers will stop & park their car just to buy a ticket, then continue their journey. Even grandmothers practicing holey catholocism will place a bet each week. The most important time for lotteries in Spain is during the christmas period, when its not unusual for people to spend several hundred euros on a whole run of sequential tickets.

This week, today in fact, is the major summer draw. The person lucky enough to produce the ticket with the winnning numbers pockets a cool €20 million (completely tax free!). Fingers crossed!

*UPDATE* Nope, no such luck. Six Euros down the drain… 😐

Tags: Island Life by Dr. Leslie Brown
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For me, moving here definitely made this horrible latent condition [depression] rise to the surface. I just want to say I really struggled in the first 6 months. I fell into a terrible state: a huge, long-lasting rut of terrible guilt & self pity, seemingly with no escape. Living in Australia, I was the typical ignorant person who could never hope to truly «understand» depression itself, always relying on 100% positive thinking no matter what the circumstances. And boy have I changed now. Depression is not something you can just spontaneously pull yourself out of. It takes time to become sick in the first place, but it also takes time to recover.

Within 3 months of moving to Tenerife this is what happened to me:

I’d cry all the time, and not know why. I mean I’d cry silently every few days. And normally I hadn’t cried in maybe 5 YEARS. I felt completely useless. I didn’t even feel like making any telephone calls. I was totally reliant on other people. I felt guilty about that too… I basically felt that I was worthless to society.

I’d eat oranges (vitamin C) and take vitamin B, and eventually it felt like I was peeling oranges just to try to stave off this terrible & almost permanent low feeling. It’s like I had this CONSTANT internal struggle, always fighting for my happiness, but not exactly realising what was happening to me. I just now I wasn’t happy, the outlook was bleak, and I wanted to feel «normal» again. [Read more →]

Tags: Island Life, Mental Anguish by Dr. Leslie Brown
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• You see people are only just getting ready to go out at 10:00pm.
• Every week there seems to be another weird festival or holiday.
• Everyone at the table rips into the bread with their bare hands and then starts peeling potato skins.
• After the meal, the olive oil dressing gets transported directly to the refridgerator, but the actual food is left on the kitchen benchtop all day long.
• Someone says «pass the Gofio»… but in spanish, and with a thick Canarian accent.
• You can speak speak perfect castillian, but still can’t understand what the spanish locals are saying.
• You’re walking on a pedestrian crossing, and all the drivers switch on their left indicators at the sight of you. 
• You need to attend 30+ hours of lectures just to pass the intitial driving theory test.
• You forget what a messy desk looks like, and everyone starts cleaning spontaneously.
• The only piece of carpet in the entire house is the bathmat.

Tags: Island Life by Dr. Leslie Brown
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People are often suprised at the respect drivers have for cyclists while riding in Tenerife. They’ll move completely over to the other side of the road when overtaking; if there isn’t at least 1.5m of extra space, they patiently wait until its safe to do so. You never get beeped just because you are a cyclist -even on single lane roads without a cycle lane! Why is this so?

We all know that in Australia, the UK and USA, things are very different indeed. Its as if motorists resent the very presence of cyclists. I have cycled here in Tenerife for 2 years and I’m yet to see an angry motorist. After observing the local Spanish driving culture in general, I believe I can speculate about why this is so:

Firstly, there’s a notoriously difficult theory test, even for native spanish speakers. The average student sits in class for some 10-20 hours before they are able to pass!! All aspects of road theory are drummed into students from the beginning. They are told that anything with more than two wheels is considered a VEHICLE. There are many many references to situations involving cyclists. In total, our instructor must have lectured about the safety of overtaking bikes for probably an hour or so. I’m actually currently enduring many Spanish driving lessons, and since then, the pieces are all falling into place. [Read more →]

Tags: Island Life, Ride the Volcano! by Dr. Leslie Brown
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My day normally starts anywhere between 6:00and 9:00am. I never set the alarm clock; for years its never been able to actually get me out of bed. When I’m motivated, I wake up earlier.

I usually go straight to the computer for 5-10 minutes to get the brain ticking over & see what needs to be done today and for the next few days. Then I go downstairs and make a decent coffee using the ubiquitous spanish cafetera method. There’s no such thing as a good Australian coffee, so I’m always grateful for that (prior to coming here I was a black tea drinker).

There’s usually sooooo many things to do, I need to manage my time so I begin by prioritising what needs to be done. I can’t trust my memory, so a great level of organisation becomes the key. I make a lists of everything; I make a list of other tasks grouped separately: Administration (answering e-mails and bookings), Bike Maintenance & Delivery, Updating Website Content & Maintenance, The rest of my time is devoted to marketing, publicity & financial side of running a business.

So what normally happens is,  I go back to work on one or all of these things until my stomach rumbles. Then I go and make myself some late breakfast and look at the view of the Atlantic ocean for usually less than a minute. Then I go back inside and work until I need to make another coffee. Repeat with lunch and dinner, and now you start to get the idea.

I’ve been so busy busy busy with the new website features & other things, I haven’t had time for any bike rides lately. I usually call it a day somewhere between 9:00 and 11:00pm. I must be putting in 80-90 hours plus of work each week, 7 days a week. It takes a lot of work to run a successful business. Quite honestly, there are not enough hours in the day, and its time to go to bed before I know it. Hopefully business will pick up again over the winter, and I won’t have to try so hard to convince cyclists all over the world «Hey, come to Tenerife, hire a road bike and ride up a mountain!»

Of course I do LOVE the job I have created for myself, but believe me its not easy. Canarians have a saying, which I only learned last week: «No es un moco de pavo». Believe it or not, but the direct translation is «Its not a turkey’s snot». What it actually means is that its a lot more difficult than it appears, and so it is with Tenerife-Training.

Tags: Island Life, That's Business by Dr. Leslie Brown
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I have been out a few times in the last week around La Orotava & Puerto de la Cruz with Ivan and his cousin Chiqui… Ivan is a real great modest guy and I can’t wait to see him play the guitar! Its always a fantastic opportunity to practise spanish with someone by maintaining a conversation… Ivan is the guy on the right:

Anyway, this is a relatively unknown band; they’re trying to get out there in the music world! To Meridian Zero, I say Good Luck, but especially to you Ivan! You can check out their official website here: Meridian Zero. They have several albums already, and there AWESOME new proffessional-quality video-clip has just been released:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUtjww4OI78

Tags: Island Life by Dr. Leslie Brown
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The 31st of July is my 30th birthday. If all goes well, that will coincide with the launch of the new website format. To celebrate, we’re going to a Hindu restaurant in El Puerto de la Cruz with some good Canarian friends of ours.  That should be interesting because most local people living in the Canary Islands are not accustomed to such hot food! hehehe. My girlfriend is already hooked on Thai food. The first time she had tried a curry was at 27 years of age I believe; it was a pretty mild version, but you could actually see her lips glowing red hot. 🙂

UPDATE: 05/08/07. A total of six of us went out (5 were local friends from Tenerife) & we had a great fun night. We ordered and sampled lots of familiar dishes that appeared on the menu: pappadams, chicken tikka & samosa entrées, chicken korma, butter chicken, a delicous do-piaza lamb curry and of course naan bread and perfectly cooked basmati rice. The waiter also suggested a prawn dish (jalfrezi?), but that only served to ruin the other meat flavours.

Chiqui (now 29) was the only one besides myself who had previously tried Hindu food! The rest of them were 30+ years old and it was their first Indian Curry food experience! I’m pretty sure two of them has never even tasted any sort of curry in their entire lives. Is that strange, or what? I warned them [Read more →]

Tags: Island Life by Dr. Leslie Brown
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